Permission to Leave

PERMISSIONMy gig, until recently, has focused on helping women to stay married without losing their sanity.

Showing them that not only is this proposition entirely possible, but, wait for it – they can be HAPPY while they do it!

How do I know this is possible for any woman who chooses it?

Because our happiness doesn’t come from our marriages or our husbands. Or anything outside of ourselves.

Our happiness comes from within. It comes from what we choose to think and how we choose to feel.

Happiness is a choice. One we are in charge of.

It’s a choice we have to keep making. Over and over again. Or not.

Therefore, deciding to leave our marriage because our husband didn’t make us happy doesn’t solve the real problem.

Instead it turns us into victims and encourages blame mentality.

It takes away our power.

It means we make a huge, life-changing decision from negative emotion. Never a good idea.

And importantly, it means we take the behaviour pattern of delegating responsibility for our happiness to our next relationship.

That’s why I strongly encourage my clients to learn how to be happy in their marriages before making any decision to leave.

Why?

Because a decision made from having taken total responsibility for your life and happiness is an empowered decision.

It is a decision free of blame, resentment, poor me thinking.

And it’s a decision much more likely to be in alignment with your true desires. Instead of a knee-jerk reaction.

Yeah But…

But what if?

What if you get all of this?

What if you really get it?  You know your husband isn’t responsible for making you happy.

You understand you could do the internal work to become happy in your marriage (and maybe you’re already working on it.)

And you still want to leave.

Even though leaving would turn your life, and the lives of your kids, upside down?

Even though your parents would be shocked and your friends surprised.

Even though the mere thought of leaving grips your heart with fear.

What if, as one lovely lady told me recently:

“I’ve done heaps of coaching work and therapy and countless courses to no avail – I still don’t want to be married to him!

What if you know, deep down in your core, that you just don’t want to spend the rest of your life with this man?

What then?

Granting Permission

Well, then.

You can give yourself permission to leave.

If you want to.

Because leaving is always an option.

Right now, in this moment, you can decide you want to leave your marriage.

It doesn’t mean you have to pack your bags by tea-time.

You can decide to leave in a month. Or a year. Or in 10 years.

And if you make that choice, you don’t have to beat yourself up for it.

In fact, if you choose this, you absolutely MUST NOT beat yourself up for it.

You can make the choice to leave with love and compassion.

Not just for your husband, but for yourself.

So, stop telling yourself you are trapped in your marriage. You’re not.

You are choosing to be there.

Own the choice you’re currently making.

How do I know this is your choice? Because you are still there.

And leaving is always an option.

I’m not saying leaving is easy. Trust me, I know from personal experience it is far from that.

Dismantling a marriage, particularly where there are children, is never easy.

But it is possible.

Often, the simple realisation that leaving is an option is enough to make us want to stay.

Because it puts us back in charge of our own lives.

Knowing we are choosing to be there, and knowing we can make a different choice in the future, gives us our power back.

Telling the Truth

Telling ourselves the truth, however uncomfortable it may be, is essential.

Because, no matter how hard, the truth always feels better than a lie.

Here’s another truth:

The only person who can give you permission to leave is YOU.

If you are waiting for somebody else to grant that permission, it’s going to be a long time coming.

Here’s a question for you:

What advice would your ‘Wise Self’ give you, the version of you who has access to your deepest wisdom?

The woman who already knows what you want.

The woman who is deeply invested in you living your best, most authentic, life.

Pay attention to her.

Listen to what she whispers when your mind is quiet enough to hear.

Your Future Self will thank you for it.

Want to Make an Empowered Choice About Your Life and Marriage?

If  you’re ready to make an empowered choice about the future of your life and marriage check out the Work with Julie page for full details of the Empowered Choices, Empowered Woman Programme.

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