When Being True to Yourself is Hard

Back at the beginning of my ‘Wife Coaching’ journey, I had the privilege
of supporting a lovely lady (actually, all my clients are lovely – that’s the truth!)

Jackie (not her real name) was a strong, vibrant, whip-smart woman with so much to offer.

In the few short months we worked together she made amazing progress.

By the end of our coaching journey, she was a different person to the disillusioned, worn out, emotionally spent woman I’d first encountered.

She had rediscovered herself.

She knew who she was again.

She knew what was important to her.

She had regained her spark.

Her zest for life.

Jackie’s Story

Jackie had been through much emotional trauma in her marriage.

Her husband was an addict, who had refused to help himself.

By her own admission, she had enabled his behaviour.

Now, things had changed.

For the first time in her marriage, there was no drama.

She was enjoying the calm.

And adjusting to a different kind of relationship with her husband.

Choices

And in the midst of the calm, a voice whispered to her.

The voice of her intuition.

Her wise self.

In her heart of hearts, she questioned her future with this man.

This man who had many good qualities.

This man who was there for her now.

Who was the father of her children.

This man who was finally willing to get help to change his behaviour.

Who had dropped the drama.

There were no guarantees of course, but he appeared committed to his new path.

And Jackie had firm boundaries in place for the relationship.

They could potentially have a ‘nice’ life together now.

What If..?

Despite all of that, she was afraid.

Afraid of making the ‘wrong’ decision.

Afraid of contemplating a different kind of future.

A future outside of her marriage.

Afraid of hurting the people she loved.

Of hurting her children.

Afraid of a future as a single woman on the other side of 40.

Afraid of being alone.

And being lonely.

No Guarantees

I couldn’t tell Jackie what the ‘right’ decision was for her.

I could not possibly know.

I couldn’t give her any guarantees about her future.

Leaving, by definition, would mean choosing to be alone.

I couldn’t guarantee that, when she was ready, she would find somebody else and have an amazing relationship.

I couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t feel lonely.

I couldn’t promise she wouldn’t question, or even come to regret, her decision – whether it was to stay or leave.

What I Know for Sure

What I could tell her with 100% certainty was this:

When you know yourself, and you know what’s true for you, you can’t un-know it.

You can rationalise.

You can justify.

You can bullshit yourself.

But you can’t un-know your own truth.

Being true to ourselves and living according to our own values isn’t always easy.

It’s not for the faint of heart.

Sometimes we don’t pull it off.

Sometimes we opt for the choice that feels safer.

We opt for the ‘known’ because we’re not ready to contemplate an unknown future.

And still, even then, we can treat ourselves with kindness and compassion.

We can understand the choices we make.

We can be on our own side.

But please.

We must tell ourselves the truth.

Our truth.

Not the bullshit version.

 

Would You Like Support Uncovering Your Truth?

Telling yourself the truth is scary. I get it. I’ve been there. That’s why it’s so important to get the right support as you do this important work on yourself.

And that’s exactly what I want to offer you in my brand new group experience, The Untethered Wife

I will show you how to uncover the truth of what you truly want in your life and marriage now.

Then you can decide what you want to do with that information.

You can choose to stay in your marriage, or to leave, from a place of feeling empowered.

You can choose from love.

Instead of from fear. Or resignation. Or helplessness.

We start 12th September for eight weeks.

I promise you’ll be in good company.

I promise you won’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

You’ll get expert coaching and support from somebody who’s been in your shoes (that would be me.)

You’ll also have the support and encouragement of like-minded women on a similar journey to you.

Have Questions?

If so, email me and ask me anything. I’ll give you my honest answer.

And if you’d like a no-obligation complimentary 30 minute Skype chat to find out if The Untethered Wife is right for you, get in touch and we’ll schedule it for next week.

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Posted in Relationships.

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