Stay Married with the FIT Technique: Go from Pissed Off to Peaceful in Three Simple Steps!

You think your husband is the cause of your anger.Stay Married With the FIT Technique2

Your pain. Your hurt.

He’s not.

It’s your THOUGHTS about him.

They are the cause of your emotional pain.

Not him. Or his behaviour.

Hard to believe (and hard to swallow), I know. Especially when you’re really pissed off at him.

I get it – I’ve been there!

But actually, this is the best news. Let me explain why.

The reason this is great news is because while you can’t control his behaviour, you can control your own thoughts.

And your thoughts are what create your reality.

What is the FIT Technique and how does it work?

In this blog post I’m going to walk you through exactly how you can change your thoughts and your emotional state any time you choose using the FIT Technique. I’m going to show you how to go from Pissed Off to Peaceful in three simple steps.

First let me explain why this is a game-changer.

Your life is a reflection of the thoughts you think. Changing your thoughts changes your inner state, your behaviour and your end results.

What is the end result or outcome you most want? Take a few moments to think about this now.

Perhaps it’s: a happy marriage, harmony at home, a happy peaceful home to bring your kids up in. Or some variation that’s unique to you.

While every marriage is different what we all have in common is this:

It all starts with our thoughts.

The FIT Technique in Summary

The FIT Technique consists of the following three simple steps:

Step 1 FEEL (F): Identify the feeling beneath Pissed Off and FEEL it

Step 2IDENTIFY (I): IDENTIFY and examine the core thought causing the feeling and choose to let it go

Step 3THINK (T): Consciously choose a new peaceful feeling THOUGHT

You can download the detailed instructions on how to apply and use the FIT Technique here:

I suggest you print off the PDF and read it over a coffee when you have time to fully absorb the process and let it sink in.

Important Note: This is NOT about condoning your husband’s behaviour or absolving him of his responsibility. (If you would like to learn about how to set appropriate boundaries in your marriage you can read more here.)

It IS about taking care of your own emotional wellbeing and consciously choosing how you want to feel in any situation. Do not confuse the two!

Benefits of the FIT Technique

Mastering this technique means you always get to choose how you want to feel about any person or situation in your life.

Instead of being at the mercy of your husband’s or anyone else’s behaviour, YOU are in control.

Consciously choosing your thoughts allows you to be in control of your mind and your emotional state – instead of the other way round!

It’s your mind’s job to find evidence for whatever you choose to believe. Your mind will always look to prove your thoughts true. So you may as well choose to think thoughts that feel good!

When applying the FIT Technique, you will notice that the circumstance that caused your original pain (your husband’s behaviour) has stayed the same. But changing your thought enables you to have a completely different experience. One that is much more likely to lead to a peaceful and positive outcome.

So, there you have it, how to go from Pissed off to Peaceful in three simple steps!

Here’s the link again to the PDF containing the detailed instructions for the FIT Technique:

What I’d like you to do now

The aim of my blog is to provide you with valuable, free content to help you stay married without losing your sanity!

In return I’d like to ask you to do two things if you have found this post valuable:

  1. Download the full instructions and try the FIT technique for yourself. Then email me ( and tell me about your experience and your results
  2. Forward this blog post link to three friends you think would find it helpful (hint: their marriage doesn’t have to be in trouble for them to benefit from the FIT Technique – we all get pissed off!)

Thank you. I look forward to hearing about your results.

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  1. These are really great tips!! I can also see these tips used in life in general, not just with a spouse. I used to internalize alot of my anger, but luckily was able to realize that it’s best to feel it and acknowledge it and release it, than have it eat away at you. Love is to short to be carrying all that anger around. Thanks for sharing!! 🙂

    • Thanks for commenting Aimelie. You’re right, this process can be used with any relationships in our lives, not just with spouses (in fact, with anyone who presses our buttons!).

      Agree also that it is so important to feel, acknowledge and then release the anger – carrying it within us is the cause of so much stress and unhappiness!

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