Is Your Marriage a Lie?

cb30e7813081e6cdae40bf95313410e9“If my family and friends really knew what was going on, they would be shocked.”

“Everyone thinks we’re so happy together and we’ve got this great life.”

“If only they knew the truth. They would be so disappointed.”

I hear a version of these words so often from the women I speak to and work with.

I know exactly how they feel.

We believe that if we just keep up the pretence.

Keep showing the world our shiny got-it-all-together-everything-is-wonderful face.

Then, surely, somehow, we can convince ourselves it’s true and it will all work out that way.

So we avoid telling ourselves the truth.

Ways We Distract Ourselves

We distract ourselves.

With busy-ness. Busy busy busy.

With food.

With wine.

With an affair.

With confusion.

We just don’t know what to do.

And anyway, there’s no time to think about it.

Too much else going on. Too much to do.

The Tales We Tell Ourselves

It’s not that bad.

It’s just the way it is.

It’ll get better just as soon as he morphs into someone else.

And in the telling of this story, we avoid.


We disconnect.

We don’t want to hear ourselves.

The Body Compass

But we can’t avoid the dissonance we feel.

The inner conflict.

It’s physical.

We can avoid telling ourselves the truth.

We can avoid not being the role models to our children that we aspire to be.

But our body never lies.

We can’t avoid the feeling that comes from being out of integrity. With ourselves.

Afraid to Listen

We’re so afraid of what we might hear. If we take the time to listen.

Truly listen.

To the answers that come when we ask ourselves powerful questions.

About what we really want.

And to know that it is our responsibility, and ours alone, to give it to ourselves.

And to own that truth.

When our truth might not match other people’s.

They may not like it. They may have a strong negative reaction and have no hesitation in telling us so.

Who’s Life?

But who’s life are you living?

Yours? Or someone else’s idea of what it should look like?

Is living up to your parents or other people’s expectations more important?

More important than being true to yourself?

More important than creating a life that makes you happy and fulfilled and connected to yourself?

On your own terms.

Seems so obvious when you see it written down.

But so many women are living a pretend life.

Because they are too afraid.

Of their own ego.

Of what other people will think if they let the mask slip.

Too afraid of being judged.

So they carry on living a lie.

For a year. A decade. Or a lifetime.

Here’s what I know:

Telling yourself the truth always feel better than lying to yourself.

Wanting what you want doesn’t make you a bad person.

The only person who’s opinion truly matters is your own.

Owning‘ the choices we make, and taking full responsibility for them, gives us back our power.

Other people don’t make us happy or unhappy. That is our job.

Taking full responsibility for our own happiness changes everything.

The people who truly love us want us to be happy.

Time to tell Yourself the Truth?

If the above post has hit a nerve (made you squirm in your seat a bit maybe?!) and you’re ready to live your life being true to you, check out the Empowered Choices, Empowered Woman Programme today.


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One Comment

  1. Wow this is a risque post! It took me a long time to leave my marriage as I figured ‘I’d laid my bed now I have to lie in it’. I’m known for being a free-spirit and to me, marriage just wasn’t my ‘thing’. He didn’t really do anything wrong as such – it just didn’t feel right and we ended up arguing every single day (no joke!). When I finally ended it – I had a heavy burden of guilt for a looong time. In the end it all worked out for the best for both of us. He now has the children that I never wanted to give him and my career took off after divorce. Win win 🙂

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