Most of the clients who approach me want my support because they
are feeling truly stuck. They don’t know whether they want to stay in their marriages or leave.
Through our work together in Empowered Choices, Empowered Woman Programme, they gain the clarity they crave – and a whole lot more besides.
Sometimes I work with clients who already know in their hearts, despite their self-doubt and misgivings, that they want to leave their marriages.
But they have been unable to give themselves permission to do so.
Fear. Uncertainty. Guilt.
- Fear of hurting their husbands: ‘He’s not a bad person, how can I do that to him?’
- Fear of being judged as selfish by family and friends for putting themselves first
- Fear of their husband’s reaction: ‘What if he hates me and refuses to speak to me ever again?’
- Fear of how their husbands would cope emotionally
- Fear of how they would survive financially outside the marriage
- Fear (terror!) of being a single woman in their 40s and beyond
- Fear that they will end up alone and lonely for their rest of their lives
- Guilt about breaking their kids hearts – and breaking up the family
- Guilt about turning their husbands, kids and families lives upside down
- Guilt that putting themselves and their own happiness first makes them selfish and self-centred
And on and on it goes.
Here’s what I know:
These women are the very opposite of selfish.
They are brave. Strong. Loving and caring.
They are good mothers.
They are giving.
Yet, the person they have given the least to, is themselves.
And they have reached a turning point.
The Status Quo is No Longer an Option
They know that taking the ‘easy’ path of staying in the marriage, is no longer an option for them.
These women have searched their souls.
They can no longer live a lie.
Living this lie, and this life, has taken a significant toll on their physical and emotional health.
It has cost them many, many nights sleep.
It is not a conclusion they have arrived at lightly.
They have tried and tried to make their marriages work, often for years.
And now they are done. They have nothing left to give.
They want to reclaim themselves, and their lives, back.
They want to feel joy, excitement, and happiness again.
They want to feel peaceful. They want peace of mind.
In their hearts they know it is the right thing. Not just for themselves, but for their husbands and their whole family.
And still, they feel unable to move forward with their decision.
This is where my gorgeous client Barbara (not her real name) was when she got in touch a few months ago to work with me – and where she is now:
“I found Julie online after Googling: ‘How to give myself permission to leave my husband’ and knew I’d located a valuable resource. I had struggled to make the decision to leave my marriage for seven years and felt very stuck and frustrated.
Through my work with Julie, I learned to shift my focus onto myself and came to understand that I am my most precious resource. She helped me see that I actually have a responsibility to honour my health, my happiness – and my life.
Julie’s approach helped me organise my thoughts in a clear, kind and compassionate way so that I could move forward with my decision. And I now have tools I can use with any difficult communication issue!
Her coaching and continued support and encouragement were invaluable. I strongly recommend Julie and her services to any woman struggling to give herself permission to make choices based on HER own needs. I am so thankful I found you and I appreciate your help very much Julie!!!”
Witnessing my clients make these brave, bold choices and finally decide their lives and their happiness matters, is such a privilege.
That moment when they realise they are their most precious resource.
When they truly appreciate that they have a duty to take really good care of that resource. Not just for themselves, but for the people they love and care about the most, including and especially their kids.
It’s why I do what I do.
My Message to You
I know there are many, many women feeling the way Barbara did when she got in touch with me.
And some of them (you?) are reading this blog post right now.
Here is my message to those women:
Please do not stay stuck.
Find the help and support you need – however that looks for you.
Asking for support doesn’t mean you have to leave your marriage by next week.
First and foremost, it involves telling yourself the truth about what you really want.
It means knowing that wanting more for yourself and your life does not make you a bad person.
It means understanding that your happiness and peace of mind are just as important as your husband’s and your kids.
Please don’t let fear and guilt continue holding you hostage in a life and marriage that no longer fits you.
You deserve better.
I know exactly how you feel. Because I’ve been in your shoes.
I came out the other side.
And if I, and all the amazing clients I’ve supported, can do it, you can too.
You don’t have to do it alone.
Please. Take the first step today – reach out to somebody you trust and get the support you need.
Want My Help?
Whether you already know you want to leave your marriage, or you’re still gripped by uncertainty about whether to stay or leave, I have a free resource that can help. Enter your details below and receive a link to immediately download my free Mini Guide: Stay Married or Leave? A 5 Step Guide Before You Decide.
In the Guide I explain that ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ is the WRONG question to ask yourself. I’ll tell you what to ask instead and the five steps you must complete to gain the clarity you desire about the future of your life and marriage.
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