The hazy days of summer are upon us at last.. (and if you’re in the UK.. a very HOT summer!)
It’s the time of year when many of us look forward to slowing down a bit and recharging our batteries.
A chance to escape the daily grind, indulge in a spot of R&R and enjoy a much needed holiday with our loved ones.
So it may come as a surprise to learn that September is the second busiest month of the year for divorce lawyers, after January!
After all, come September, shouldn’t we be basking in the afterglow of a fortnight’s extended quality time with our husbands and kids
Shouldn’t we be peacefully floating towards the prospect of cosy, autumnal nights in, snuggled up in front of the fire with our life partner?
Fantasy vs the Reality
It appears the idyllic image in our heads of how summer holidays with our families ‘should’ be doesn’t always pan out.
And when reality doesn’t match our expectations, we’re left feeling disappointed, frustrated and let down.
It’s the final straw.
For many women, it’s their: ‘I cannot go on like this for a minute longer’ moment.
Perhaps the holiday was supposed to provide the perfect relaxed setting to discuss and finally resolve important issues between you. Conflicts that have been building for weeks and months, if not years.
And it just doesn’t happen.
In fact, it’s makes the void in the marriage appear even bigger and more insurmountable.
So, what’s the answer?
How can we not just survive, but actually enjoy our much anticipated and needed summer holiday, regardless of what’s going on in our marriages?
How can we return home feeling refreshed and re-energised – and with our sanity intact?
Instead of frazzled and fraught, and fantasising about the single life?!
Here are 5 Tips to Set You Up for Holiday Success:
1) Set an intention before you leave home
Consciously decide what you intend for your family holiday.
Maybe your intention is that you’re going to have a fun, relaxing time, creating happy family memories that will warm your heart in the cold winter months ahead.
Once you’ve set your intention, you need to align your thinking and behaviour to ensure that’s the result you create.
What would you need to think and believe in order to have the kind of holiday experience you intend?
You have far more control over your holiday experience than you may think!
2) Let go of the picture in your head of how it’s ‘supposed’ to be
Relieve yourself (and your whole family) of that pressure.
Holidays are a time when everybody gets to relax and do whatever they want.
Your idea of holiday heaven might not match your husband’s.
He may want to lay on the beach all day with a book, while you plan to visit as many local sights as possible – or vice versa.
Don’t make your differences mean anything negative – just accept you’re two individuals with your own interests and priorities.
Give your husband permission to be who he is and to have his own holiday experience.
Find a way to compromise that works for you both.
3) Don’t hang your holiday happiness on your husband or kids behaving a certain way
When you find your husband or kids’ behaviour starting to grate on you, consider why you want them to behave differently.
Hint: It’s because you believe you’ll feel better when they do!
Actually, you’ll just be thinking different thoughts when they do.
And it’s your thoughts that will allow you to feel better – not the other person’s behaviour.
The good news is – you can choose to think and believe different thoughts without your family having to change a thing.*
And that means – you get to decide how you want to feel.
*Of course I’m not suggesting you accept behaviour you find unacceptable – that’s a different topic for another blog post!
4) Refuse to be a Referee
Decide that you’re not going to act as peacemaker or referee between your husband and children.
Refuse to be drawn into taking responsibility for resolving issues and conflicts between them.
It’s not your job.
You can be supportive of your partner without having to intervene between him and the children.
Your husband’s relationships with your children, and theirs with him, are their ‘business.’
5) Start Now!
Decide to adopt the above four tips right now instead of waiting for your holiday. Not only will you have an even better holiday, you just might feel happier before you’ve even stepped on the plane!
So much of our unhappiness is created in our own minds because of the expectations we place on our husbands and other people in our lives.
That’s not to say we shouldn’t have expectations or make requests – of course we should.
What gets us into trouble though is when our expectations aren’t met and we choose to heap further emotional pain on top of our disappointment.
We don’t have to do that.
And if we choose to, we can take responsibility for how our thoughts are making us feel.
We know, and frequently forget, that we cannot control other people (no matter how hard we try!)
But we can control our own thinking and behaviour.
That’s where our power lays.
And by focusing on what is within our control to change, we can ensure we have the holiday experience we desire.
Work with me in September?
I’ll be accepting a limited number of new 1:1 clients in September 2018.
I work with a very small number of clients at any one time so that each one feels fully supported by me during our three months together.
If you already know that September is the right time for you to create the changes you want in your life and marriage, let’s talk.
I offer a free, confidential Mini Clarity Session where we can explore if my approach is the right fit for you.
We’ll discuss your challenges and the changes you’re wanting to make, and you’ll gain clarity on your next step.
To book your Mini Clarity Session, get in touch to schedule a 30 minute Skype conversation.
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