Something I regularly hear from women struggling in their marriages is
some variation of:
Why should I be the one to get help for our marriage when HE is the problem!
My husband is just so… difficult to live with/selfish/boring/bad tempered/ unappreciative/impossible to talk to/etc. etc.
Why should I be the one to do all the bloody work while he does nothing?!
My response is always the same:
It’s Not About Your Husband
You are the one who is unhappy/stuck/frustrated/lost.
And you are the only one who can change that.
It’s not your husband’s job to make you happy.
Your happiness is your responsibility and yours alone.
Deciding to take action to change what’s not working in your life and marriage is an act of self-love.
It’s something you do for yourself.
Because, ultimately, everything is about our relationship with ourselves.
What I know for sure is that your husband isn’t the reason you’re unhappy.
How do I know this?
Because happiness is an inside job.
And because I spent too many years believing that and waiting for my husband to change.
Our thoughts and beliefs create our emotions, not other people.
It can’t be any other way.
Focusing our energy on what we perceive to be the problem (our husbands) is never the answer.
The root cause of our pain lies much closer to home.
It’s not about what our husbands are doing or not doing.
His behaviour is outside of our control.
And trying to control the uncontrollable will just make you crazy (trust me!)
The bottom line is this: Transformation in your life and marriage starts with you.
Deciding to do our own work is about self-responsibility.
And it’s where all our power lays.
If that’s not reason enough, here’s what else:
When you’re feeling stuck, frustrated, sad, angry, resentful, or any other negative emotion, YOU are the one feeling it.
You are the one taking action from those feelings.
And you are the one experiencing the negative results in your life.
And those results are most likely keeping you stuck in the same negative cycle.
Telling Yourself the Truth
Admitting you’re no longer willing to tolerate the status quo is a massive step.
It’s the first step in telling yourself the truth.
It’s not an easy thing to do, I know.
But the truth always, always, feels better than the bullshit lies we tell ourselves.
Asking for support when you feel stuck and unhappy takes guts.
It takes courage because it means being vulnerable and admitting your truth to another person.
It means taking responsibility for improving your situation – and not waiting for your husband, or anybody else, to fix it for you.
It means taking 100% responsibility for your life and happiness.
It’s not for the faint of heart.
It may seem daunting.
The buck stops with you.
There’s no-one else to blame.
And it’s the place where true empowerment lives.
What Message Are You Giving to Yourself?
When you decide to take action to improve your life, you give yourself a message:
Your happiness matters.
You are important.
And you value yourself enough to do something about it.
It’s Up to You
The only person who’s behaviour we can control and change is our own.
It’s not about waiting for your husband to act.
It’s not about ‘blaming’ him.
It’s about YOU taking care of YOU.
Your happiness is in your hands.
And that’s the best news.
Are you ready to reclaim it?
Want my Support in September?
You can choose to stay in your marriage, or to leave, from a place of feeling empowered.
You can choose from love.
Instead of from fear, resentment or powerlessness.
Having the right support to help you figure out what your ‘right’ life looks like makes all the difference.
I don’t know what’s right for you.
I’m not the expert on your life and marriage.
But you are.
And my expertise is in helping you uncover your own answers – answers that are already there.
Plus, I’ve been in your shoes. So I know exactly how you’re feeling and how scary it is.
I also know you have courage in spades.
And that you’ll know when you’re ready and it’s your time to create the changes you desire..
I’m currently accepting a limited number of new 1:1 clients to work with me from September.
If you’d like to have free, confidential Mini Clarity Session to explore if my approach is right for you, get in touch and let me know your availability to have a 30 minute Skype chat.
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