3 Signs You’re Chasing Happiness for All the Wrong Reasons

7261cfb91ca646236bcc4ea990d7cf3f-2I’ve been having interesting discussions with my clients lately about happiness.

About what creates it.

How to get it.

How to keep it.

Why it seems so elusive.

How so many of us postpone it by tying it to some loosely defined idea of future success.

We get so caught up in: “I’ll be happy when….” thinking.

When my husband morphs into the man I want him to be.

When my husband treats me with more respect.

When I pluck up the courage to leave this marriage.

When I find a career I love.

When my boss stops behaving like an ars*hole.

When my kids are more independent.

When I have more money.

When. When. When.

And in the meantime?

Stuck in the “Unhappy” Spin Cycle

We stay stuck in a negative spin cycle of unhappiness.

Happiness becomes this elusive state, this moving target.

The more we chase it the further away it gets.

So we desperately seek ways to escape unhappiness.

With food. Alcohol. Shopping. Holidays. An affair. A new job. Stuff.

These things provide some respite.

They make us feel better. For a little while.

But none of them can fill the deep happiness void we feel inside.

Because we’re looking in all the wrong places.

Happiness is never going to be found ‘out there.’

It’s an inside job.

Here are 3 Signs You’re Chasing Happiness for the Wrong Reasons:

(1) You’re thinking of taking drastic action in some area of your life, e.g. leaving your marriage, having an affair, changing careers, starting a new business, losing weight, etc.

And you’re in a BIG hurry!

(2) You blame your husband and his behaviour for your unhappiness. You believe that if only he would appreciate you more/do more around the house/basically stop being him and turn into the person you want him to be – THEN you could be happy.

(3) You have completely bought into your: “I’ll be happy when” story and resigned yourself to being miserable until some vaguely defined future point, such as: “I’ll be happy when the kids have grown up and I can finally leave this marriage.”

Here’s why that kind of thinking is flawed and never going to bring happiness any closer:

Happiness is a feeling that we create with our mind as a result of what we are thinking. Therefore it is a choice that is always available to us.

It follows then that our capacity for happiness is never greater than it is in this moment. It will not grow larger at some future point.

The circumstances of our lives do not dictate our capacity to be happy.  Our mind has that job with the thoughts we choose to think.

Therefore our happiness is completely 100% within our control.

You are never going to be able to control your husband’s or any other person’s behaviour (no matter how long you stick at it!) and trying to do so will likely turn you into a crazy lady!

What you are in complete control over is what you decide to think about that behaviour and what you make it mean.

And that is what will have the biggest impact on your capacity for happiness.

And the biggest impact on your relationship.

And here’s the truth.

The largest indicator of how you are going to feel when you have achieved any future goal or idea of ‘success’ in your life is in how you feel now.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t make big changes in your life and set goals if you want to.

But clean up your mind first. Take back the responsibility for how you want to feel about where you are now.

Take back the job of making you happy.

Then take positive action from there.

Any action taken from negative thinking is never going to give you a positive result.

Learn to love where you are right now before you change a thing.

Reclaim your power to choose happiness now.

All the scientific research proves it.

Success (anything achieved outside of ourselves) does not create happiness.

Happiness creates success (however you want to define success).

Are You Ready to Give Up Chasing Happiness?

If you’re ready to stop chasing happiness or postponing it and reclaim control of how you want to feel in your life and marriage now, take the first step by getting in touch to request a Clarity Breakthrough Session – it’s FREE!

What are you waiting for?

 

 

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