Are You the Kind of Romantic Partner You Seek?

Be the love you seekWhat are the qualities and attributes you seek in your romantic partner, aka your husband?

How do you wish he would ‘be’ with you in order for you to feel cherished and loved and deeply fulfilled in your relationship?

In an ideal world, what does your ‘laundry list’ of requirements for that perfect partner look like?

The List

Each of us will have our own unique list. And I’m guessing yours may contain some or all of the following characteristics:

Kind; loving; thoughtful; caring; fun; sensitive; honest; reliable; wicked sense of humour; family man; intelligent; in good shape; attractive; well groomed; driven; focused; self-aware; spiritual; sexy; confident; comfortable in own skin; zest for life; curious; strong work ethic; grounded; playful; passionate; successful; sociable; compassionate; emotionally mature; shows vulnerability; healthy self-esteem.

Take a few moments right now to write your own list.

I’ll wait. 🙂

Now, read through your list and answer these questions:

Are YOU embodying all of those traits that you value most in a partner?

Are YOU bringing all of those qualities to your relationship right now?

Are You ‘being’ the kind of romantic partner you desire most?

Would you want YOU?

If not, where are the gaps?

What are you expecting from your partner that you’re not giving to yourself first, and not bringing to the relationship?

Here’s What I Know

It all starts with loving ourselves.

When we don’t love ourselves enough, we seek it from other people.

We seek continuous reassurance that we are lovable and worthy.

But it will never be enough.

Because we can only love others, and have them love us back, to the extent that we love ourselves.

It can’t be any other way.

Taking Risks

When you love yourself enough, you can take risks in your relationship.

You can risk being vulnerable.

You can risk being rejected.

You can risk making a fool of yourself.

You can risk having your heart broken.

You can risk being the kind of romantic partner you most desire.

You can risk giving the kind of love you most want to receive, with no guarantees.

You can risk the possibility of creating the kind of love you dream of in your marriage.

You can risk it because you’re already receiving it. From yourself.

Do you love yourself enough to risk it?


Ready to Risk Loving Yourself First?

If you’ve identified a gap between the kind of partner you dream of and the kind of partner you’re currently being in your marriage, get in touch and request a free, confidential, 30 minute Mini Clarity Session.

Will you risk it?


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  1. Julie. Once again your blog hits the spot. “Would you want you?”….. a very powerful question. And your blog finally and ultimately tells us there is value in taking the risk of having a great relationship…. (rather than playing safe?). Surely something worth the risk! Thanks again. Keep the ‘blogspiration’ coming please!! Roger

    • Thanks Roger, glad the post ‘hit the spot’ for you!

      One of the challenges with any relationship is our willingness to be vulnerable, something we often find difficult. And how willing we are to take that risk, for the sake of creating a great relationship, comes back to our own self love!

  2. Well written. It’s easy for us to say how we want others to be and what we want. Taking a look at who we are and want to be is just as, if not more, important. Thank you for sharing!

    • Thank you Shana. Yes, I agree, it’s so much easier to point the finger at the other person and describe what we want. So much harder to look within and ask if we are fulfilling our own criteria!

  3. This is a great reminder even for a single woman like myself! I’ve been dating and noticed that sometimes there’s a difference between what I SAY and what I DO. I often think about showing myself love and exemplifying the qualities I want to have in a partner, but taking this into action in real life situations is a whole different story. I’m working on being able to make decisions and act in the moment from that place as well.
    Thanks for this post Julie!

    • Thanks for your comment Elyse and for your honesty – looking within and acknowledging where WE are falling short is so much harder!

      And I agree, doing this work is relevant to all relationships, whether married or single. It takes courage to put it into practice and apply in real situations. Sounds like you are doing great – and I know it is going to pay off for you!

  4. Julie, YES!

    I had EXACTLY this situation recently – was feeling like, “You’re not being affectionate just now! I WANT AFFECTION!” (sometimes I get a little teenage in my head). Then I thought, “But am I *giving any right now? No”. So I gave some. And I got a ton back.

    Thanks for the perfect reminder.

  5. Always a good reminder Julie. I fully embrace this truth, but still fall away from it sometimes with the business of life. I am going to love myself more today which will lead to me loving on my people more too.

  6. Hey Julie, what you wrote is so so true! In order to find the right partner, we need to look at ourselves and reflect what it is we’re looking for AND as you rightly say, it starts my loving ourself. We think we’re unloveable then how do we expect others to love us. Thanks so much for your wonderful insight as always x

  7. Way to shift perspective. “Would you want you?” “Because we can only love others, and have them love us back, to the extent that we love ourselves.” What a great reminder to be more aware.

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