I know that pain.
I have felt it.
My heart bleeds for them both.
Death is so final.
There is no going back.
It seems such an obvious thing to say.
But the finality of death only really smacks you in the face when someone you love has just died.
There are no more second chances.
No more tomorrows.
No more time to say what you really wanted to say.
Death puts life into perspective.
It forces you to reflect on what is truly important.
It forces the realisation that we spend so much of our lives focused on the stuff that doesn’t really matter.
We just pretend that it does.
What Really Matters
When all is said and done, relationships are all that really matter.
The people we love.
The people who love us.
The relationship we have with ourselves.
And the work we each do to nurture and grow those relationships.
That is all.
Everything else is just ‘noise’.
Yet we spend so much of our lives focusing on the minutiae of life.
Work. Careers. Business. Money. Our homes. Our stuff.
Our attempts to keep on top of our ever-increasing lists of responsibilities.
As though that is what really matters.
Is it so that we can feel important and worthy?
To who? Ourselves? Other people?
To prove, to convince, once and for all, that we are Good Enough?
Surely then, when we have proved our worth, our work will be done.
Surely then it will have been worth sacrificing the time we could have spent nurturing our relationships…
Because THEN we will know.
Or will we?
But what if it’s all bullshit?
What if we didn’t have to prove ourselves to anyone?
Not to other people. Not to ourselves. Not even to God/the Universe/whoever.
What if our very existence is the only proof we need of our worthiness?
What if we just need to get over ourselves and stop tripping over our own egos?
What if the ‘noise’ was just an enjoyable way to pass the time while we learn to love ourselves and each other?
Nothing that really counts in the end.
Easier Said Than Done?
How exactly can we put the ‘noise’ into perspective when the world is constantly screaming at us to ‘prove’ our worthiness?
When it judges us by:
The amount of money we make.
The number of clients we have.
The number of friends we have.
The type of career success we achieve.
The kind of house we live in.
The type of car we drive.
And on and on it goes.
And then, there’s what we do to ourselves.
The constant comparing of ourselves and our achievements to this or ‘that’ person over there who has made it. Who has it all figured out. Who has what we want.
You know. The one who is smarter, cleverer, prettier, more outgoing, funnier.
The one who is Good. Enough.
Coming Full Circle
It all starts, and ends, dear reader, with YOU (and me).
To focus on what really matters, to see the ‘noise’ for what it is, depends on this:
To believe that you are already ‘enough’.
To believe you have nothing to prove.
To believe there is nowhere you have to go, nothing you have to do, in order to prove your worthiness.
To be able to enjoy the ‘noise’ without it either feeding or deflating your ego.
So that you can get on with what really matters.
All of this becomes possible only when we learn how to love ourselves fully.
Truly. Madly. Deeply.
And that is not all.
We can only love others and give of ourselves in our relationships to the extent that we love ourselves.
We cannot give to others, or get from them, that which we are not first giving to ourselves. It’s impossible.
That is my work and my lesson to learn in this life.
And it is yours.