By ‘it’ I mean our emotional life.
Owning our physical stuff like our house, our car, our furniture, our clothes, our jewellery. That’s easy. We know how to do that.
But what about owning our emotional stuff?
What about owning our choices? Even when they’re unconscious, i.e. we didn’t deliberately decide.
What about owning our self-doubt? And deciding, on purpose, to move beyond it. Or not.
Owning our fear. Our confidence. Our weaknesses. Our strengths. Our talents. Our beauty. Our amazingness.
Our dreams and wants and desires.
Our mistakes. Our happiness. Our sadness.
The times we don’t walk our talk or practice what we teach.
The times we feel like a shit mother because our kids are displaying less-than-stellar behaviours that we’ve modelled to them.
What would it be like if we fully owned all of that?
The Energy Drain of Disowning
It seems to me we expend an awful lot of energy resisting our emotional stuff and ‘disowning’ it.
Not just the negative, but the positive too.
We deny. We avoid. Push away. Pretend like it’s not there.
Owning our stuff feels scary. It means facing up to things we’d rather ignore.
It means coming face to face with ourselves.
It make us feel vulnerable.
It brings up all our shit.
Owning Equals Freedom
But here’s what I’ve learned:
Owning our emotional stuff equals freedom. It sets us free.
Owning our stuff allows us to make conscious choices. To take action. Or not. On purpose.
Here’s what ‘owning it’ looks like in my own life:
Falling out of love with my husband was a choice. When I finally owned this truth, instead of the ‘story’ I had created in my mind about why my marriage ended, I felt relief. Yes, it was a choice I made that had massive consequences. And it’s one I stand by.
I’m a ‘Wife Coach‘ who is no longer a wife. Who am I to be coaching women on how to be happier in their marriages when I’m no longer married? This was a question that plagued me until I decided to own my motivation for doing this work.
My work is about empowering women with the tools, confidence and knowledge to make conscious choices about what they want in their lives and marriages. Choices that allow them to live happier, more fulfilling lives – while they stay married, or not. My experiences during my 22 year marriage, and what I wish I’d known then, are the biggest drivers of my passion to share this work.
I also own the fact I’ve been trained by a world class teacher who continues to teach and inspire me. That, coupled with my very personal reasons for doing this work, makes me shit bloody hot at it!
I don’t always walk my talk and take my own advice. I used to worry that I was a fraud and would soon be ‘found out’ when my clients discovered my life isn’t perfect and I don’t always apply my own wisdom. That fact, at times, has caused me to ‘hide’ in my business and sabotage my own success.
Here’s the truth: I struggle with my own shit just as much as my clients do, especially when I forget to apply the brilliant tools I have access to. I’m not pretending I have all the answers and that my life is all rainbows and butterflies. I don’t and it’s not.
I believe self-awareness and personal growth is a lifelong journey. It takes a commitment to yourself. And a willingness to keep learning and growing and to keep doing the inner work. And I’m more than willing to make that commitment, even when I mess up.
It isn’t my job to be perfect (phew!) My job is simply to share what I know because, frankly, it works. And it changes lives – including my own. But only when we apply it! 🙂
So I don’t always walk my talk and take my own advice – and that’s ok – as long as I own it.
What Do You Need to Own?
Do you need to own the fact you’re unhappy in your marriage?
Do you need to own the fact you’re avoiding taking action in your life or marriage because you’re shit scared?
Do you need to own the fact you’re using the problems in your marriage as an excuse for not creating the life you want?
Or do you, like my amazing clients, need to own how talented and smart and fabulous you are, and the reality that you can achieve anything you want in your life?
Whatever it is for you. And you know what it is. Just own it.
Then decide if you’re willing to do what it takes to create the changes you want.
Decide if you’re willing to move beyond the self-doubt and the fear and the uncertainty.
And if you’re not willing. That’s ok too.
Have compassion for yourself.
But tell yourself the truth.
And just fucking own it.