Transformation and change.
That’s ultimately what my clients are seeking when they make the decision to work with me.
They don’t use those words to describe what they want my help with, of course.
Instead, they talk about the challenging circumstances they’re wrestling with in their marriages.
The stuckness, the frustration, the fear, the sadness, the confusion.
The absence of happiness.
In short, the rollercoaster of negative emotions they’re experiencing.
And the impact it’s having on their lives and sense of wellbeing.
They want clarity and peace of mind around the ginormous question weighing heavily on their hearts and minds.
Should they stay in their marriages – or should they leave?
The ‘right’ answer to this potentially life-altering dilemma, is what they’re after.
Yet these women do know one thing for sure – because they are smart and self-aware.
They know, intuitively, that to reach the clarity they desire, they need to look beyond their marriages.
In their hearts, they know it’s not about their relationships with their husbands.
It’s much closer to home.
This is about their relationship with themselves.
The ‘work’ is theirs to do.
Transforming their marriages, or making the decision to leave, starts with them.
It’s an inside job.
My clients know this.
How does change happen?
How do we release old habits, beliefs and patterns of behaviour?
How do we let go of current ways of being that are no longer serving us, in order to create the changes we desire?
How do we create permanent, sustainable change that’s not just a quick fix or a temporary band-aid to plaster over the cracks?
I won’t pretend there’s a simple answer.
There are many facets to creating change.
But there is one element that is key.
A deep, inner knowing that you are longer willing to tolerate the status quo.
There are any number of circumstances that can be the trigger for this shift.
But ultimately, at a certain point, you just know.
You feel it.
What Else My Clients Know
During my work with clients, I ask them to identify the old beliefs and stories holding them back.
Once they get going with this exercise, it all comes spewing out…
What they write takes many forms, and essentially boils down to some version of:
Their ‘not enough-ness.’
I ask what would be possible if they were able to move beyond the shit-tonne of mind-crack they’ve been carrying for years, often since childhood.
Here’s a very small taste of the kinds of things they say:
- I’d create a life I love with intention
- I’d stop acting like a victim and start being the successful woman I know myself to be
- I’d be lighthearted in love and allow it to flow freely
- I’d be completely confident in my business, more successful and I’d feel proud of myself – and my husband would see me the way he used to
- I’d set firm boundaries in my marriage and my husband would respect me more
- I’d feel empowered to ask for what I want in all areas of my life
- I’d trust myself to make clear decisions and feel good about them
These amazing women are so clear about who they would be and what would be possible for them.
What I Know for Sure
Here’s what I tell my clients with absolute certainty – these smart, self-aware women who describe the possibilities so eloquently:
You are ALREADY that woman.
- ‘Who creates her life with intention’
- ‘Who is fully confident offering her amazing services to prospective clients ’
- ‘Who trusts herself to make clear decisions and feel good about them’
THAT is who you are are your essence.
How do I know?
Because you couldn’t imagine being this woman, and yearn for her desires, if it wasn’t who you already are.
I see that woman in front of me.
‘All’ that is standing in the way of you being that woman NOW are the fears, beliefs and shit stories you’ve been telling yourself for too many years.
They are UNTRUE.
They have served a purpose – and it is time to give them up.
It’s time to let them go.
THIS is How Change Works
WHEN we’ve had enough of believing our false stories, we will begin to shift.
We won’t have to force it.
We won’t have to persuade, cajole, convince or manipulate ourselves into changing.
We’ll still have to do the work of making the change happen, of course.
But – the shift that makes it possible will feel almost ‘effortless.’
We’ll wonder how it could happen so ‘magically’ when we’ve been struggling for years.
Change can happen in an instant.
WHEN we’re ready.
When it’s our time, a part of us will wake up, and say:
“Fuck this shit, I don’t want to be THAT woman anymore
(the one who believes all that crud about herself)
I REFUSE to be that woman any longer
I am READY to be the woman I already know myself to be – I see her, I feel her
SHE is who I am”
This is how change works – when we are READY.
I’ve experienced this in my own life, both when I was struggling for clarity in my marriage, and more recently.
And I’ve had the privilege of witnessing it happen with many, many clients.
Sometimes the impact has major implications – for example, leading to the decision to leave our marriage.
And sometimes it’s more subtle, though no less powerful.
You show up differently in your marriage – and your life.
There’s no going back.
In all cases, you take your power back.
You are no longer willing to be THAT woman.
She’s gone, forever.
You’re ready for more.
You’re ready to be more.
You’re ready to be who you’ve always known yourself to be.
And you’re willing to settle for nothing less.
Is Now Your Time?
Are you ready to become the woman you’ve always known yourself to be?
Do you know that now is your time to create the changes you’ve been yearning for in your life and marriage?
Is this your ‘Fuck This Shit’ moment?
If so, and you’d like professional, unbiased support from a woman who’s been in your shoes, and come out the other side, you’re in the right place.
If this blog post feels like it was written for you (it was!), I’d love to offer you a confidential, complimentary Mini Clarity Session. We’ll explore if working with me is right for you, and you’ll also gain some clarity on your personal situation,
If you’d like to book a slot, simply email me and let me know your availability to have a 30 minute Skype chat in the next 10 days.