What Is Perfect About This?

What is Perfect About ThisI remember one of the first times I asked a client this question.

It was via email to follow up our initial coaching session.

My client told me she almost spat her coffee (or was it wine?) at the screen when she read the question.

Because, of course – it was a preposterous question!


There was NOTHING perfect about her situation, how could there be!?

Her husband’s behaviour and the very fact he was breathing was driving her to the brink of insanity.

She had two young children she was anxiously trying to protect from the effects of the disharmony in her marriage.

She had the school run to do. Bills to pay. A business to build. Elderly family to help care for.

And a thousand and one other responsibilities that go with being a busy wife and working mum.

She was white knuckling her way through her life and marriage.

Praying for the day, in the elusive dim and distant future, when things would get easier and life wouldn’t feel like such a hard, monotonous slog.

Or the kids would be old enough and she could just leave ‘the old git.’

If she didn’t end up in a straightjacket first.

Neither option felt like it was going happen any time soon (except maybe the straightjacket).

The thought of clinging on for dear life until such time made her want to lay down in a dark room. For a few years.

Stuck. Frustrated.

Stuck and Frustrated were two very good words to describe my client at that time.

What on earth could be perfect about THAT!?

Here’s the thing.

It’s amazing what happens when we ask our mind questions it’s not expecting and hasn’t been asked before.

Our brain begins to look for answers.

And it finds them.

When we ask the question: ‘What is perfect about this?’ and wait for the answer, our mind will respond. It may respond with further questions like these:

  • What’s my part in this?
  • How are my thinking and behaviour contributing to this result?
  • Where am I exhibiting the very same behaviours that are currently driving me insane about him?
  • Where am I abdicating responsibility?
  • What would love (and self-love) do?
  • Is being right more important than my peace of mind and happiness?
  • How can I create the result I want here, regardless of his behaviour?
  • What is the lesson here for ME?
  • What can I learn from this?

And when we answer those questions from a place of self-responsibility a shift in our perspective occurs.

We start thinking other new, more helpful, thoughts.

We start to feel more positive.

We start adjusting our actions and behaviours.

The husband starts responding differently to our different energy.

And we get a different, altogether better, result.


If you’re feeling STUCK. Or FRUSTRATED. Or TRAPPED in your life or marriage.

Or any other describing word that feels like shite.

My question to you (yes, you’ve guessed it!) is….



Sit with the question.

Let your brain consider it for as long as it needs.

Don’t force the answers.

Wait and see what emerges.

The answers just might surprise you.

In Case You Were Wondering…


My client – let’s call her Lesley.

Lesley got a very different result in her marriage when she took the time to listen for the answers to this, and other, powerful questions.

A result that was altogether more satisfying.

One didn’t leave her anticipating the arrival of the men in white coats.


Want Five Secrets to Staying Married Without Losing Your Sanity?

If you enjoyed this article and you’re ready to focus on what’s perfect about the current challenges in your life and marriage, download your copy of my Free eGuide Five Secrets to Staying Married Without Losing Your Sanity! I will walk you through the exact steps you can start taking today to regain control and start creating the changes you want in your life and marriage. Here’s the link: Five-secrets.




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