How do you decide how to respond to certain people or situations?
What is it that drives your actions and behaviours?
Do you make choices that take you towards what you want, or away from what you don’t want?
Do you remember the hotter/colder game when you were a kid?
A friend would hide something and you had to find it. When you edged closer to the hidden loot, you were getting warmer. The closer you got, the hotter you were. When you were moving away from the prize you were getting colder.
Did you know we’re still playing a version of the hotter/colder game in our adult lives now?
We are either moving towards what we really want. Or away from it.
We’re either moving towards love, or away from fear.
How to Know the Difference
So, how do you know if you are getting hotter or colder?
How do you know if you are making fear-based or love-based choices?
When we are moving away from fear it looks like this:
- We stay stuck where we are – because even though we hate it, it feels familiar and provides the illusion of safety. (By the way, staying where you are is still a decision – just an unconscious one!)
- We don’t use our voice to speak up for what we stand for and we don’t ask for what we need
- We don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable, because showing vulnerability feels like weakness
- We fail to set and uphold healthy boundaries
- We put other people’s needs and emotional wellbeing ahead of our own, at great personal cost
- We stay small
The result? We move further and further away from the life we want and the person we want to be.
You know you are making a fear-based decision because of how it feels in your body.
Fear feels constricting, shrinking, needy, controlling. Fear feels like a lie.
When we are moving towards love it looks like this:
- We take the necessary action, even when it feels scary
- We trust ourselves and we trust that life is supporting us – even when we don’t yet have any evidence
- We don’t need validation from another person that our direction is the right one
- We show our vulnerability, and understand that it makes us stronger, not weaker
- We make decisions that allow us to be kind, compassionate and loving towards ourselves and others
- We expand and grow into a bigger version of ourselves
You know you are moving towards love because of how it feels in your body.
Love feels light, expansive, unattached, abundant, curious, self-loving.
Love feels like freedom and truth.
Ask the Question
The next time you’re faced with a decision and you don’t know which way to go, ask yourself:
What would love do?
In other words, what is the most loving and self-loving choice you can make in this moment that will take you towards what you want?
When you ask yourself this question, you might hear answers such as:
- Love would trust that it’s all unfolding exactly as it’s supposed to – even when it doesn’t feel that way
- Love would let go of needing to have all the answers right now
- Love would not make another person’s behaviour mean something negative about us
- Love would take compassionate, peaceful and self-loving action
- Love would let love lead the way
The bible says: Love is patient. Love is kind.
Love, patience and kindness start with you.
What would be possible for you in your life if you let love lead the way?
What would love do?
Want Support in Moving Towards Love in Your Marriage?
If you would like support in how to make love-based choices in your life and marriage, get in touch to request one of the limited FREE 30 minute Clarity Breakthrough Sessions I’m offering in April.