Why Real Self Care is More Than a Bubble Bath

Self. Care.

It’s a term that gets bandied around a lot these days.

What springs to mind when you hear those two words?

  • Making sure you grab half an hour to read your latest page-turner in peace after a busy day?
  • Making time to get to a yoga class?
  • A fun night out with your girlfriends – a few snatched hours away from the daily grind of home, kids, work and the non-stop treadmill of daily life?
  • Perhaps it’s taking a whole hour once in a while to soak in a luxurious bubble bath with candles and your favourite glass of vino?

These are all legitimate ways we can, and should, take care of our own needs.

Ways we can refuel our own tanks so that we feel nourished and well rested
enough to be there for our loved ones, without feeling like a martyr.

And – that’s just one aspect of Self Care.

The Real Definition of Self Care

True Self Care is so much more than that.

True Self Care is about treating ourselves as the most precious resource we have – and will ever have.

Valuing ourselves so highly that we won’t allow another person to drain and deplete our precious resources.

Resources such as:

  • Our energy
  • Our time
  • Our money
  • Our love
  • Our kindness
  • Our goodness
  • Our spirit

How Do We Achieve This?

So, how do we achieve true Self Care, beyond the peripheral stuff?

Here are three essential steps to get you there:

1) We have clear, healthy boundaries that we are willing to uphold for ourselves

Not for other people. For us.

A boundary is the metaphorical line we draw around ourselves that tells other people what we will and will not allow into our lives.

Being willing to set, and importantly, uphold our boundaries, is the ultimate act of Self Care.

Healthy boundaries are how we teach other people how to treat us.

Healthy boundaries are how we take care of ourselves.

They are an act of self love.

2) We refuse to allow other people’s dramas, demands and behaviours, including our husbands, to distract our attention away from our own goals, hope and dreams

We stay focused on our own ‘business’ and the things we can control – namely, our own thoughts, feelings and behaviours – and we allow other people to do the same.

We refuse to allow other people’s dramas to distract us from becoming the woman we know we are capable of being.

We stay focused on creating our best life – for our own sake.

3) We have the courage to Say No

We are not afraid to Say No.

And mean it.

Even when the other person is doing everything in their power to persuade us to say Yes.

Even when the other person tries to persuade or manipulate us into feeling we are the ones in the wrong for not prioritising their needs over ours.

We say Yes to ourselves first.

And we don’t apologise for it.

Real Self Care means remaining true to ourselves and our values.

It’s no easy thing.

It’s far easier in the moment to bend to other people’s wants and needs.

To say Yes to them.

And No to ourselves.

But at what cost?

Easy vs Hard

Having a bubble bath is easy.

Putting other people’s needs before our own happiness and emotional wellbeing often feels easier.

Being willing to feel the discomfort of other people’s disapproval is harder.

Refusing to allow our husbands, or anyone else, to abuse our hearts, minds and spirits, is harder.

But your best life depends on it.

Your best life depends on you choosing you. 

Because if you don’t prioritise you, why would anyone else?

Who will you choose?

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