So many of us measure our worth as individuals according
to external factors.
Against how ‘successful’ we judge ourselves to be compared to others.
Or how much we’ve achieved in our professional lives.
How many friends we have, how popular we are.
How much money we earn or believe we’re capable of making.
Some of us measure our worth against how other people treat us, including our husbands.
We believe, consciously or unconsciously, that if he treats us poorly, or tells us we’re useless or incapable or not good enough, that it must be true.
And that we must deserve to be treated this way.
Reflecting Back Our Own Beliefs
We accept this treatment because it reinforces false beliefs we already hold about ourselves and mirrors them back to us.
We tell ourselves that if our husbands would just treat us more respectfully, we would feel better about ourselves, and our marriages would improve.
That somehow, if he was more respectful, this would ‘prove’ we are worth more.
But it’s a vicious cycle.
Because when we believe we’re not worthy, we give the other person permission to continue the ‘unworthy’ behaviour.
We tolerate behaviour we find intolerable.
Something Wrong with Me?
We believe, on a deep level, that we are flawed.. that there must be something wrong with us.
And our husband’s treatment of us provides yet more evidence for our brains that this is the truth.
We’re just not good enough, and therefore we somehow ‘deserve’ to be treated this way.
This ONE belief can keep women stuck in unhealthy marriages for years.
It can also lead you to (falsely) believe you are a victim of your husband and your marriage circumstances.
It’s a common theme amongst the women I work with.
And it doesn’t have to be this way.
Here’s what I want every woman to know – beyond any doubt:
Your worth is already proven.
Your Worthiness is not up for Debate
Your worth and your value were decided on the day you were born.
Would you look at two newborn babies side-by-side in their cots, and judge one as less worthy than the other?
Of course you wouldn’t.
We are no more worthy than the next person.
And neither are we less.
And yet, this is what we tell ourselves when we allow another person to dictate our level of self-worth.
The Only Person Who Can Provide It
Here’s what else:
No person or external circumstance can convince you of, or prove, your worth to you.
Not your husband.
Not any amount of money in the bank.
Not the size of your house, the car in your drive or your professional status.
Your worthiness is your job.
The only person who can give you your self-worth is YOU.
It is your birthright.
You must choose to believe in your own inherent worth (despite any messages to the contrary you received growing up.)
You must claim your own self-worth.
And you must own it.
You must refuse to let anyone, or anything, cause you to question your worth.
And when you do?
It can change everything.
Decisions that felt impossible will suddenly become clearer.
The guilt and self-doubt you were steeped in when you considered prioritising your own happiness and wellbeing will no longer dictate your choices.
You will have no hesitation in setting and upholding healthy boundaries in your marriage and all your relationships.
You will stop tolerating behaviour you find intolerable.
You will start treating yourself as your own most precious resource.
Because you will understand, on a deep level, that you are worthy.
And that you deserve a happy, fulfilling, rich, love-filled life.
And that belief will become the guiding light that steers you towards creating your ‘right’ life, however that looks for you.
It’s the only way to live.
Feeling Stuck and Unworthy in Your Marriage?
Are you trying to decide whether to stay in your marriage or leave and feeling the grip of unworthiness? If so, enter your details below for immediate access to my free Mini Guide: Stay Married or Leave? A 5 Step Guide Before You Decide.
In the Guide I explain that ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ is the WRONG question to ask yourself. I’ll tell you what to ask instead and the five steps you must complete to gain the clarity you desire about the future of your life and marriage.